Despondent

Ever felt completely alone? I do sometimes. But that's not what it's about.

I know I shouldn't be doing this, but if you've ever met me for even a second you'd know that I just can't help myself. I'm more than aware of all the things I should be doing - enjoying the time I have, savouring each moment - but this awareness makes it all that much more painful. I joke to try make things easier. It's almost as if I believe that if I ignore it long enough, it won't happen. But it will. And too soon.

I just don't know if I'm strong enough. I hope we're strong enough. Each time we attempt a discussion it always ends in tears and a light slumber, needless to say, ignoring it further. It has almost become taboo.

I try to be strong but in all honesty I'm weak. And when the pillar that's keeping you from crumbling is in fact the one that's leaving, how do you keep your feeble self from falling? I don't know where to turn. It's too late to change the plans. It's too hard to keep them.

And everyone's got so much stuff going on for them right now, I understand that it's not their problem. But it's mine. And I just need someone to hold my hand and tell me that everything's going to be ok, even if that's just what you say.