I remember when I saw you there...

What did you see in me?
Tell me, did all the people stop and stare
You were the only one that I could see
Time comes and times goes by
We loved, we laughed, I failed you.

Try.

And now I understand why I have to be the one to blame
Ten years down the line. I never meant to waste your time.
So glad you never through in the towel on you and me.
You showed me unconditional love.
You even gave me my one.
And baby now that we’re done, I’m sorry.

See, I was standing up with things to say, so I had to decide. For me it was, either you or them and I was running out of precious time, y’see, I had to see the world. (I knew it meant losing you my [boy]. And since I lost it all today, these simple words to you I’d say.

We should have given up at least a thousand times. So [boy] I would be surprised if you wrote me off, no. Y’see I know that I put my friends before you and I. I constantly ignored who was in my corner. Now I apologize.

Ten years down the line. I never meant to waste your time. So glad you never threw in the towel on you and me…

Don't judge a book by its cover

I've only now begun to understand the meaning of the saying. It's truer than true. Sometimes people get so caught up in stereotypical nonsense that they forget what they really need. Hmmm....

Rarities

I saw Before Sunrise this afternoon. My mind could not help wandering back to the sequel. The films are basically one drawn out moment. Delaying a period of time for as long as it is possible. I like that theory. I've lived the theory. It is only a theory.

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everybody can see these scars
But what I want you to want,
what I want you to feel
What it's like no matter what I do,
I can't convince you
To just believe this is real
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
That's all I give cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

I am, a little bit insecure, a little un-confident
But you don't understand I do what I can
Sometimes I don't make sense
I am, what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
You face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got

Change

Change is a very difficult thing to come to terms with. I do believe that people will always remain quintessentially the same, but every person that comes into your life affects you, whether it is thouroughly or just for a moment.

Sometimes change is for the best, I know this well. But in the foetal stages I find it very difficult to convince myself of this.

Blocked. Again.

How can someone who spends practically every second of the day thinking, not be able to come up with a good story for a short film?

I thought I had a winning story, but when costs and actors and all the technical aspects of film making are taken into account, it was a sore loser. Now I should be half way through the pre-production side of things and I'm back at square one.

When I began film school I thought it was going to be an absolute jol! I have these preconceived ideas about what it would be like, and as we all know things never are what they seem.

I used to think I was an open minded, free spirited, creative girl with a good heart. Lately I feel empty. No ideas. No passion. No drive. I don't want to make a pretentious movie with a story line that has been used over and over again. I don't want to waste money on a certain failure. I don't want to do film anymore. I know that every course has its cons, but I seriously don't want to do this anymore.

I'm in desperate need of a muse, in any size or shape.