Media 24

I hate having a fight with someone and after all the right things are said, it still feels like nothing is resolved. But fuck it, I'm gonna be rich so I can buy resolution. And robotic people that always think I'm right.

This is an update to "Movie Maker". I still don't wanna make movies, but when it pays this much how can I say no?

My father has been commissionned to do a project on sixteen women who are proud to be South African and have a story to tell. I have to make three minute behind the scenes doccie about each. They will later be amulgamated into one story which will be on TV.

These women are from all over South Africa so I will be flown there for free! The way I see it, even if I charge a grand for each vid (inconceivable), I'll still be making R16000! (No comments from you richies earning pounds).

Everybody... drinks on me!

Leak

I'm balling my eyes out right now. You always seem to know exactly how to hit the target.

I've kept everything inside for too long now. So long that even if I tried I couldn't get it out.

I hate the life we are forced to endure. Not one of us chose to be born. And nobody was given a choice as to who they'll be. Some say apearance doesn't matter. They're talking shit. If you look like Johnny Depp you're chances of a modelling career far exceed the chances acquired by Donald Trump. I'm not saying that a good bone structure guarantees happiness, but if I had the choice, I would choose Claire Forlani's bones.

My point is that when we are born we aren't given the choice as to what we will look like or become. I would've chosen to be a low maintenance, optimistic, sex addict. But that's not who I am and I'm not into pretences.

You know that I'm fragile. Especially this weekend. You know that I'm unstable. Always. You know this yet you thrive on pushing my buttons unnecessarily. The next time we go out I won't bother trying to look nice. I'll smuge fake tear stains down my cheeks and that way you'll get what you want to see and I won't have to go through this again.

Jo

I arrive there on the 22nd.

I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them

The last thing in the world I want to do is break up with him, but I’m starting to feel like I have no other choice.

I love him so much but every time she phones or is around, I have a near panic attack. For the girls, it feels like gloosies, but upside down ones that make me want to puke. And although it’s not intentional, he never seems to assuage me. I’m also pretty sure that even if he said everything I wanted to hear, I’d still have my doubts.

I don’t know what to do. Feeling this way is not only torture for me, but it’s tearing us apart because he doesn’t know how to make things better.

He’s seeing her tonight and I have prior arrangements. I don’t know which is worse; not being there but imagining what could be going on, or actually having to see them together, laughing and frolicking while I’m cringing inside with a fake smile on my face.

There’s an episode of Friends where Emily says she’ll return to New York on condition that Ross moves, sells his stuff and never sees Rachel again. I found this behaviour utterly ridiculous, and yet here I sit in her position. I still think it’s ridiculous, but I have a sense of understanding why she would feel that way.

My problem is that Ross and Rachel eventually end up together.